Managing challenging behaviour

In practice: Addressing issues of challenging behaviour quickly with the intention of helping the person reflect on their behaviour and recognise its impact. Seeking to create a safe space, free from blame, where you and the other person can have a constructive and kind conversation.

This isn’t an easy topic for most people, and with good reason. But it is normally better to act early to stop unhelpful behaviour before it gets out of hand.

When people work together, they share a common set of rights and expectations. These include, for example, to be treated with respect, not talked over, not humiliated, not belittled, not passed over on the basis of protected characteristics (race, sex, disability, etc).

Unacceptable behaviour at work is not straightforward. The behaviour can be intentional (or not), obvious to others (or not), and range from apparently innocuous comments to criminal acts. The behaviour can be directed outwards at others, or turned inwards in terms of attitude. It can be as subtle as just causing a bad feeling in the room.

From a leader’s perspective, it can also make you feel helpless and as a challenge to your position. No amount of planning (and no degree of natural authority, skill or confidence) makes you immune from coming across it. What we can do, however, is deal with it in the most appropriate way.

The obviously serious stuff

Although often extremely challenging, the more serious the behaviour is, the more straightforward the avenue to deal with it. If the behaviour clearly inappropriate or wrong, it’s certain to need to be referred directly to your HR or People colleagues. Protection from these actions is enshrined both in law and in your (and your colleagues’) employment contracts. The route here is simple – refer and take advice.

Everything else

The problem is with everything else. It’s difficult because behaviours can be difficult to pin down, and often have been going on for a significant period of time without the person being called on it - especially if the person exhibiting the behaviour is senior. The behaviour may be unacceptable but, if it has been left unchecked, may have developed into a ‘new normal’; it’s not ok, but it’s what people have come to expect.

What to do as a team leader? 3 approaches

Challenging behaviour isn’t unlocked with a single key. Here are three approaches you can try, depending on the kind of situation you encounter.

Remember – with all of the approaches, be kind and be courageous. Behaviour often gets worse because people don’t want to deal with it. As a rule, if you leave it alone, it will get worse – so tackle it as soon as you can.

1. When you think a team member might be unaware of their unacceptable behaviour, or of its impact on other members of the team or on people outside the team, try the ‘Helping colleagues to reflect on their behaviour’ approach below. This approach is an attempt on your part to help a colleague become more aware of behaviour that is not being received well by others.
2. Where you have tried the ‘Helping colleagues to reflect on their behaviour’ approach and it hasn’t worked, or you think a firmer approach is needed try the ‘Establishing boundaries and expectations’ approach below. Perhaps you feel that the behaviour has to stop but you want to try to resolve the issue locally before involving more formal processes within your organisation.
3. If the situation has already developed into a conflict between two team members, or between you and a colleague, see the Resolving Conflict section.

1. Helping colleagues to reflect on their behaviour

For example: For where you think your colleague has little or no awareness of the behaviour.

The Harvard Negotiation Project¹ suggests that at times of heightened emotion we can easily misunderstand each other’s words and actions. We interpret a brief email as rude, whereas it was hurried because the person wanted to let us know something quickly. The intention was to be helpful but the impact on us was to make us feel offended. We are aware of our own intentions and the impact others have on us but may not be so aware of others’ intentions or the impact we are having on them. However, we act at times like there is no distinction between the two sides of the diagram below.